I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
