do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can I color on your dick again?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
