My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
