Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
