i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
