Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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