they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
