well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
