If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
NoShamevember. You game?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
