There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
