Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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