So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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