five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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