last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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