i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
