At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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