Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
