Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
