I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
