Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Someone signed my nipple.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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