Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I look better un-naked...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
