You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
