I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
