guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
