Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
