i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
