I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you traded sex for a burrito?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
