Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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