friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you never un-have a 4some
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
