Don't you send me to vm
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
