Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize