Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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