After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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