I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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