I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
