Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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