how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
