Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
