I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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