Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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