i think my tv is drunk
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My ass is underappreciated
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
