Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
