I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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