True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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