she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
