i permit you to call me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
