I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
