I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
