my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
