the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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