Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
