Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
