We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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