I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
