grandma shit on top of the toilet
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.