I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess