I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.