____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.