I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Never let your siblings swipe right.