"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.