Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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