can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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