I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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