i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
