soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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