# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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