I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it hurts more in the daytime
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
