Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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