the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
