the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
