that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
