she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
