Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
