Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
