Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
