things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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